i want to keep it up

"it" being i don't exactly know what, this strange culmination of narcissism and motivation that is this journal/ blog thing.
but i have little to say.
it's been storming the past two days, and every time that happens, real storms that go on for hours and hours of thunder and noise and light and movement, i'm reminded how beautiful life is, what a unique and amazing life i'm living just by being one of the molecules in the universe lucky to end up being a part of this amazing planet earth in its tiny corner of existence. i think about the order of the world, everything in its right place, everything having its job, and the beauty in that order, and as much as i'd sometimes rather believe there is no force governing the light and the dark and the sun and humans and their emotions and the billions of other bits of existence that make up everything that is, it's just all too perfect not to believe something is in control. i don't know if i buy into my life being a part of "god's plan" and that some guy in the sky has things he wants and doesn't want me to do, because it's just too vain to think that what one planet full of cells decides to do is the important factor in the history of everything. but that is not by any means to say that i don't believe that everything in its perfection and completeness can just be empty chaos, there is a plan, and we're apart of everything that was ever meant to happen. there are too many laws and parts of science we're just stumbling onto that have existed and functioned for so long before us. god is out there, and it is in the rain and you and me and my desk and every thought every human has ever had and ever single thing none of us will ever ever see or experience or even know exists. god is in the details, and god just is, and it feels so right to be part of this life that was made just for me, in this body that is unlike yet exactly the same as the other 7 billion inhabiting the only space that was made for them to work, thinking thoughts people have probably thought since people thought anything at all. any other time i would feel small, but i'm oddly at peace with my place in all this, because the fact that i have a place in such perfect order is astronomically lucky.
smile today.
jesaka